"Yes."
The beginning of friendships are wonderful times. There's an intensity to them, the constantly sharing and discovering of new things. Your jokes are funny because it's the first time they've been used. Your quirks are endearing and cute.
So in the past few weeks I've made friends with a few people from my Botany class, probably sparked by our mutual hatred for our classwork and our crappy professor. In particular, I've made friends with a girl named Sarah. And she's this darling 19 year old, quick witted and funny as hell.
Yesterday, I came out to her. Well, she prodded -- she asks so many questions, something she warned me about -- and asked me point blank if I was gay on the way to her car. This was the second time we'd gone down the "Are you single, how about a girlfriend....or boyfriend?" The first time we broached the subject, I clammed up. I don't think, at least initially, it was because I thought she'd reject me or start throwing rocks at me, but I just wasn't sure how far to open up to her. I tend to be a private person, for better or worse.
But on this occasion, when we went down the whole "Why are you single?" path and I couldn't come up with a coherent statement, she said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but are you gay?"
At this question, for the first time, there wasn't a pause. There wasn't time for me to drift inside myself and come up with an answer that would allow me to be vague and avoid answering the question, something I've become phenominally good at.
My heart was beating so fast, it felt like there was a hummingbird flying inside my chest, because as soon as she prefaced the question with "Don't take this the wrong way", I knew exactly where she was headed. So many emotions coursed through me in that moment, just waiting for her to ask the question, but none of them were fear. Not this time. I wanted her to ask, because this time I could answer.
"Yes," I said.
And on we went. Laughter. Music. Food. There was no awkwardness, no rejection. Just a day where I was able to be honest.
So in the past few weeks I've made friends with a few people from my Botany class, probably sparked by our mutual hatred for our classwork and our crappy professor. In particular, I've made friends with a girl named Sarah. And she's this darling 19 year old, quick witted and funny as hell.
Yesterday, I came out to her. Well, she prodded -- she asks so many questions, something she warned me about -- and asked me point blank if I was gay on the way to her car. This was the second time we'd gone down the "Are you single, how about a girlfriend....or boyfriend?" The first time we broached the subject, I clammed up. I don't think, at least initially, it was because I thought she'd reject me or start throwing rocks at me, but I just wasn't sure how far to open up to her. I tend to be a private person, for better or worse.
But on this occasion, when we went down the whole "Why are you single?" path and I couldn't come up with a coherent statement, she said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but are you gay?"
At this question, for the first time, there wasn't a pause. There wasn't time for me to drift inside myself and come up with an answer that would allow me to be vague and avoid answering the question, something I've become phenominally good at.
My heart was beating so fast, it felt like there was a hummingbird flying inside my chest, because as soon as she prefaced the question with "Don't take this the wrong way", I knew exactly where she was headed. So many emotions coursed through me in that moment, just waiting for her to ask the question, but none of them were fear. Not this time. I wanted her to ask, because this time I could answer.
"Yes," I said.
And on we went. Laughter. Music. Food. There was no awkwardness, no rejection. Just a day where I was able to be honest.
posted by John M at 9:22 PM
1 comments
