Send help. No, Cheez-Its. Wait, no, help AND the Cheez-Its.

I didn't know that by enrolling in college courses that run from Monday through Friday I'd be embarking on the best exercise regime of my entire life. There's the No Time for Eating factor, a big plus in my book. As a result my clavicle looks great. Nice and bony! (That's what he said!) I'm pretty sure I could use it as a drink rest if I'm ever willing to engage in a few minutes of Stupid Human tricks. Call me, David Letterman!

Also, I always seem to be on the go, either going to school, rushing from class to class, or trying to get back home. Doesn't that all sound so exciting! I bet it does. Aren't you jealous? Being so busy does have that affect on people.

Oh my God, someone please put me out of my misery now. Like, right this second, just make sure you feed me something first, because I am so hungry. Maybe some Cheez-Its? I like those. Oh, oh, oh, or maybe some of those Gold Fish crackers! Those are good, too, so before you kill me, give me a few of those to nibble on, then proceed to the hopefully non-bloody mercy killing of me, ok? Thanks.

Can you tell I'm not too happy?

Here's where I'd try to put a positive spin on things, like a big smiley face sticker on top of a mountain of poop, like, There's a mountain of shit, but hey, everybody, there's also a smiley face sticker on it. Isn't that just wonderful! So OK, yes I'm lucky to have some amazing professors, all entirely charming and funny, but guess what? I'm exhausted and there's the constant hunger pains in my stomach, so there is no smiley face sticker on a mountain of poop for me, just the mountain of stinky, gross poop, because I have to continue this inhumane cycle for 16 more weeks.