Who says Christians can't be gay?

I'm not sure why it keeps happening, but I find myself continuing to frequent the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

Ok, I just lied. I know why I keep watching.

It's not because Gary Busey, Dyan Cannon, and Dog the Bounty Hunter all seem to be on 24/7 giving their testimonials. True, each of them brings their own individual qualities to the "celebrity" show and tell segments: The Regis Philbin levels of overly bleached teeth, the incessent ramblings of crazy washed up actors and their reality "star" counterparts who have no idea how to string together words into sentences, and above all else, the awesomest mullet in the history of the world.

(Photographic evidence of the world's awesomest mullet)

Yes, those are all fantastic -- especially the mullet! -- , but you could find equivalent values of entertainment on any given season of the Surreal Life. (Somewhere Corey Feldman's ears are burning.) Where's the It factor, the something extra that catapults this network and it's gaudily decorated sets into the stratosphere of cheesy delights?

Please meet my reasons for watching: Paul and Jan Crouch, the married founders of TBN, and apparently, the gayest couple ever to be unaware of their blindingly obvious homosexuality.


His likes: male coworkers (allegedly!); pornstaches; phallic imagery.



Her likes: putting the best of Chelsea's and West Hollywood's drag community to shame; one-upping Tammy Faye; the color pink.

Seeing them together makes me believe there are such things as soulmates.